Lighthouse
by failings
Summary: A weary Shishio Satsuki rediscovers the woman he used to love and was never quite able to forget.
1. Chapter 1

**title: Lighthouse**

 **summary:** The scent of vanilla in the air leaves him breathless.

 **pairing: shizume**

 **notes:** okay so brief background: after HNR shishio tries to move on, as we all know, he is not very successful in this decision. he needs a new place to move on and decides to go somewhere small and just _breathe,_ he takes the position at the middle school despite being a high school teacher because it's the only spot open (the middle school is understaffed and his english knowledge from travelling abroad is a blessing, just let it happen please) and meanwhile mamura and suzume get married and have a really nice life together, but time passes and young love fades a bit and they don't communicate and a tired suzume moves with her son to a small town—she considers going back to her home town but decides she wants a new beginning.

also the age gap between suzume and shishio is 8 years in this fic. Making her 16 when they met and him 24 when they first met lol (although that is a bit creepy imo) but now that daichi (13) is here there is that +more so… Manga ends when suzume and mamura are seventeen, so they went to uni, blah blah and Suzume was a young mother at twenty six. 26+13=39 lol. So basically shishio is now 47. Shishio is not Daichi's homeroom teacher, when the boy was introduced Shishio was absent so he doesn't know daichi's last name.

* * *

CHAPTER 1 (920 words)

Shishio meets the new transfer student and is reminded of Suzume, again and again.

* * *

Shishio whistled as he walked through the bustling hall. He made his way to the vending machine and picked out a familiar can. He smiled, leaning towards the open window. The one thing he enjoyed about the countryside was the unnevenful nature of things. It didn't hurt that the rent was low even on a teacher's salary and that the crime rate of the country was significantly lower than that of the city's. Of course, Shishio thought, slapping his palm down on his uncovered arm, the insects were a problem. With one hand fanning himself and the other holding his lunch, Shishio made his way to the courtyard, intending to enjoy his food away from the talkative staff (and maybe entertain the thought of a cigarette only to remind himself of his decision to quit).

Making his way to his usual spot, a nice bench shady bench underneath a grand oak tree, Shishio pondered his plans for dinner. He frowned at the prospect of marking papers over takeout again, how very _middle aged_ … His eyes widened upon the sight that greeted him at his favourite spot. A student sat there quietly, their hands tucked under their armpits in a defensive position. They were alone, Shishio noticed uneasily, he didn't like to consider the possibilities of bullying among his students. "Are you okay?" Shishio asked, hoping that he wouldn't further upset the boy.

The boy acknowledged his teacher emptily with a brief nod, continuing to look at the ground. Shishio bent down to sit, frowning at his delicate knees and the little clicks of his cartiliage. "I'm getting old…" he murmured dejectedly. The boy looked up in surprise before letting out a sigh of disappointment and looking away, choosing instead to focus on the birds chirping in the trees.

"I'm fine, sensei." The boy said quietly. Shishio tried to recall the boys name, something like 'Dai,' he recalled. Daisuke…? Daiki…? No, it was-

"Hello, Daichi-san." He smiled at the boy. "Are you okay? I understand…" Shishio surveyed the boys eyes, the tired bags, the worn shoulders and felt a bit sad for him. "…that you haven't been feeling entirely _perfect._ "

The young boy blinked at him in a familiar manner, "What?" He asked in confusion. Daichi's wide eyes were a deep shade of brown (they looked blue for the slightest of seconds)—they made Shishio feel authoritative, as if he were someone to look up to, as if he were a proper adult. He supposed he was, even if he had a hidden stash of manga filled with low brow humour and obvious plot twists. Daichi pressed his lips together, drawing Shishio's attention once more. "Oh. I- I just don't like it here that much. It's been a week and I miss home."

Shishio blinked, kicking himself for not realising sooner. He himself had only arrived here a little over a year before and felt he could empathise with the boy. He too missed the city lights, the sound of cars at night and the air conditioners at every corner. He swatted an aggressive fly away from his ear and composed himself, planning a response to the boys admission. He decided to go with the simple approach. "Well, that sort of sucks, hey?"

The boy glanced up, giving his teacher a strange look. "Yeah… I guess."

Shishio nodded as he contemplated the situation, "Have you talked to your parents about this? What do they think?" He said, in the softest voice he could manage. He watched as Daichi leaned further into himself, arms wrapped around his knees.

"I haven't really said anything to my mum, because, I don't want her to like, feel bad. She already feels bad about leaving dad and…" The voice fell to a whisper and Shishio patted the boy on the head.

"You're a very thoughtful kid, your mother must be a great woman to have raised you." He smiled at this and stood. Daichi glanced up and met eyes with Shishio, who proceeded to speak. "I think you should talk to her, communication is key in any relationship (Shishio winced as all his prior relationships came to mind, each lacking proper communication) especially when it's hurting one of you." Shishio, feeling inspired and proud, continued his monologue. "That sense of support is _detrimental_ to family, whether you-"

He was interrupted by the rumble of Daichi's stomach. Shishio's narrowed eyes fell on the boys stomach and Daichi shyly glanced down, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry," he apologised. Once again Shishio was struck with the feeling of deja vu.

Resisting a laugh, Shishio stuck out his hand to lift the boy up, "Well, I suppose you'll have to do well in your classes to make it up to me."

Daichi took the hand gratefully and upon standing gave a slight bow of thanks. "Thank you for the advice, Sensei." He smiled and darted away.

Shishio watched as Daichi ran off, wondering if it was unusual that he couldn't stop thinking about _her._ The sound of birds chirping overhead did little to cheer his mood and instead reminded of him of his own failures in communication. He sat back down, itching to dash his way to a convenience store and get himself a cigarette. "Why did I get up again?" He shook his head and leaned against the bench, thinking only about the sushi tie in his room and the disappointing taste of beer.

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 **tbc. (of course)**


	2. Chapter 2

**note:** why do i keep on writing new stories? also no, suzume and mamura certainly did not break up over shishio. it was a mutual thing, they weren't on the same page and ended up taking out their frustrations on one another and when the time came, they no longer felt like they wanted to take different steps together. i'm really trying to get at a very realistic and sad break up for them, because i don't think either of these two would break up over something small and i think both characters deserve something better than the classic cheating plot or the blame of which one was worse.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

Shishio realises why the boy seemed so familiar.

* * *

 **Mamura** Daichi was Yosano (Mamura, actually but–) Suzume's son.

He did not make the discovery as one would expect. There was no miraculous moment of realisation after a series of convoluted theories, nor was there a mysterious build to the romantic reveal. He had been sitting in bed, his index finger scratching at the screen of his smartphone as he played the game of pretending to be social. His phone vibrated in his hand and a notification appeared. A new message, he thought hazily. He swiped a finger against the screen, his eyes widening as he read Yukichi's question.

 **Yukichi (10:43pm)**

 **Are you still living in Nakahaba?**

Shishio considered the question, it was an unusual thing for Yukichi to ask this late at night. _Why?_ He wrote. Shishio leaned into the wall behind him, wondering whether something was wrong. _Do you need a place to stay?_ He added. Shishio looked up as he considered the possibility. The buzz of his phone made him glance at his hand once more.

 **Yukichi (10:44pm)**

 **No I'm fine**

 **you might not be though**

 **suzume is there**

 **i only just found out**

The phone fell out of his hand and Shishio scrambled to pick it up, his mind running a mile a minute. He had moved to Nakahaba in the hopes of avoiding the source of his pathetic loneliness—the city streets that smelt like her, the food stalls that he had introduced her to, the fireworks that— He shook his head and typed out the question that left him so confused but hopeful at the same time. _Why?_ He wrote once more. Shishio didn't reflect on what was unsaid ( _was it for me?_ ) but far away from Nakahaba, amongst a bunch of friends and a collection of beer bottles, Yukichi did.

 **Yukichi (10:46pm)**

 **she 'needed some space'**

 **remind you of someone?**

Shishio had begun typing out a poor comeback, a snarky response about Yuck-ichi and his balding head, when his phone vibrated again. He frowned, Yukichi always did that. Why couldn't he wait for him to finish typing?

 **Yukichi (10:47pm)**

 **she left her husband, she said it was mutual**

 **she took her son with her**

 **daichi**

Suddenly, the other day's de ja vu made a whole lot of sense. Nakahaba was a small town, there was only one junior high school in the area… Playing with the contents on his phone, he pulled up the small application—searching a name more familiar to him than his own. He glanced at the picture of her face—she still had beautiful blue eyes, they were just as bright as he'd remembered and he wondered if they would look at him as they once had. His finger flicked through a myriad of inside jokes, advertisements and pictures of food (he laughed at her obsession with seafood), until he found his interest, a picture of her son (Mamura Daiki's son). Blonde hair, brown eyes and all. His phone vibrated in his hand and Shishio grumbled at the prospect of Yukichi's teasing.

 **Yukichi (10:52pm)**

 **don't mess it up**

 **also samejima will probably offer romantic advice**

 **don't take it**

Mamura Daichi is Yosano Suzume's son.

Yosano Suzume is newly single.

The thought repeated in his mind, like a message that he couldn't quite process yet.

Shishio threw his phone onto his bed, leaping into a stretch that made his back hurt. He was a hopeless romantic on all accounts. He was a firm believer in love (despite his history) and more importantly, he was both a romantic and completely and utterly hopeless. And it was dumb— _very_ dumb, he knew, but there was the slightest chance, and that was all he needed.

The familiar vibration of his phone shook him from his thoughts.

 **Samejima (11:02)**

 **So…**

 **Yukichi mentioned that his niece is now in Nakahaba.**

 **i think you should—**

Shishio stopped reading after that, and decided with weary eyes that he would humour Samejima the next day.

* * *

 **Suzume** sighed, she had underestimated the time it would take to unpack. She stretched, exhaling as she felt her muscles relax. She had also underestimated how tiring it could be to unpack, it had been much easier when she had Mamura…

She sat on the freshly unwrapped sofa and felt herself sink in comfortably. Mamura, it had been awhile since she had thought of her Daiki—or of him as Daiki, not that he had minded of course. Despite parting amicably, there was an unfamiliar awkwardness that lingered between them. Suzume sighed again, she didn't know how she was going to arrange visits between him and Daichi, but she knew she would have to soon. After all, Daichi would have to see his father and Mamura deserved to see his son. She winced, feeling guilty.

The sound of light footsteps drew her attention to the doorway and the boy who stood within it. "Hi mum." Spoke Daichi. He looked down at the ground, toeing the wooden floor. "I might turn in…" He glanced upwards, "I just wanted to let you know I love you…" He hesitated, struggling to express everything that had occurred to him earlier, that he didn't blame his mother, that he loved both of his parents, that he would do his best to—

Suzume pulled her son in for a fierce hug. "I love you too, Daichi." She exhaled shakily before leaning into the hug and rubbing her sons back. "Thank you for that… Mother– Mother needed that a lot."

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 **tbc. (of course)**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE (1,530 words)**

Samejima wishes someone cared about her opinion. Suzume settles in and tries to listen to her thoughtful son. Meanwhile, Shishio thinks.

* * *

Samejima sighed into her mug and watched as her breath blew the steam upwards and away. It was a cute thing, delicately curved and decorated in pastel hues. Yukichi had gifted it to her last Christmas. He had given Shishio a neck tie—an unintentional reminder of the man's practical obsession with his niece (she couldn't help but notice that Shishio never put them in the same place). The thought brought her back to her friends current conundrum, and by extension, Samejima's opportunity to share some romantic shoujo-manga-infused wisdom.

There was little advice one could give to a man hoping to rekindle a romance with a woman who no longer had feelings for him but Samejima had tried her best. Of course, Shishio being Shishio, he still hadn't replied to her text.

 **(11:02)**

 **So…**

 **Yukichi mentioned that his niece is now in Nakahaba.**

 **i think you should talk to her**

 **Just straightforwardly communicate with her**

 **not even necessarily romantically but….**

 **i mean it could go romantically**

 **But anyway, you should talk to her.**

 **Also, Yukichi might visit her soon so probably talk to her before then**

 **okay i should sleep**

 **Make sure you stop moping and good luck**

 **(Delivered)**

In the manga she read, the second lead rarely ever got the opportunity to prove himself and when he did, it almost always failed miserably. Although, she thought, shoujo manga were hardly exemplar depictions of realistic relationships. Samejima took a sip of her tea, savouring the warmth on her tongue. It would work out for Shishio, just as it had for Yukichi (who was finally going to have a child of his own to buy pyjama's for) and—her phone vibrated with a notification, Suzu was waiting outside: _let me in, the groceries are heavy_ —just as it was for her.

She smiled into her cup, her happy ending was waiting outside— their arms full of toilet paper and meat.

* * *

"Hey, mum!" Suzume looked up from the local newspaper, red pencil dangling between her fingertips. In the doorway of her kitchen was her son, looking confused and tired in his school uniform.

"What?" She asked simply, searching for the cause of his supposed distress.

"Do you know where my tie is?" Daichi was leaned up against the doorway, his hands posed by his sides as if he were hanging by their grace alone, his body seemingly sapped of all energy. With a fond look on her face, Suzume rose from her seat and made her way towards her preteen son. He watched warily as she came closer and closer towards him, until she was right in front of him and gently freed his tie from his left hand.

Upon realising what had happened, Daichi lightly blushed and averted his eyes from his mother's grinning face.

Suzume chuckled and pat her son's head. "What a cute son I have…" She mused aloud.

Daichi, feeling awfully shy, rolled his eyes and pushed his way past his mum. The push was gentle, so much so that Suzume found herself trying hard to ignore the similarities between her boy and his lovably awkward father. The thought made her wince and cynically she thought, _not such a loveable quality when it stopped us from effectively communicating…_

She shook her head as if to banish the thought and instead focussed on her son. "I should go about now, be careful on the bus and I'll see you later today." She wrapped her arms around the preteen and bent her head to press a kiss to the top of his head before giving him one last look over. "Mother loves you Daichi, very, very, very much."

Daichi shook himself free of his mothers grasp, pretending to be disgusted by the sign of affection, "Ugh _mu-um."_

As soon as his mother left, he laughed into his food, feeling comforted and confident that everything would be okay.

When he made to leave, he stopped to look at the newspaper on the table (his mum was the type to forget things) and briefly inspected the litany of red circles. She was looking for a job, he realised. He frowned, wondering what his mum had planned to do, there wasn't a seafood restaurant hiring in the area. Daichi flipped through the pages. Huh, he thought, a bakery and a yogurt store. He couldn't imagine his mother doing either. She disliked working with machines and was generally too impatient to wait for most things. With a smile at the thought of her working any type of machinery, he fixed the pages of the paper and made his way to the door.

Daichi knew that his mother could do anything and would ultimately adjust well... He just hoped he could be enough in her life, that he could be strong enough to make it work.

* * *

Shishio looked at his phone with trepidation. Yosano Suzume (did she go by that now?) was in the same town as him. He could find her within thirty minutes, walk up to her and admit that he still thought about her far too often… That he had more than once thought of her as 'the one that got away'.

So why hadn't he?

Why was he waiting?

When he thought about it, there were too many explanations for him to count. She was different, he was different. He knew that neither of them could love each other the way they had before. He couldn't go back to hating himself like that and he would never have to because she was different, _older_ , wiser… Possibly too wise to ever even consider him romantically again.

If Shishio thought hard on that period of his life, it was very easy to see why he then hated himself so much. Even when he disregarded his mistakes with Suzume, he couldn't ignore his mistakes with his students, with Yukichi…

And if Shishio was being honest, wholly and completely honest. Part of him didn't want to go back to that. To hating himself for caring so much about something that it _changed_ him, that it made him irrational and try to _win_ someone. And yet, at the same time, he desperately wanted that to happen. He desperately wanted to feel something again, to feel what Suzume provoked from him again. It was unhealthy, that he thought she could bring something back to him, because that wasn't her job and he knew that it was wrong to expect anything from her.

But in the fallout of their relationship, she had been the one thing to keep him going. Her holding Mamura's hand had hurt, but it kept him going—he could see her happy, he knew that she didn't need him. Not the way he had needed her. And in a strange masochistic way that had been a motivator for him. She would live on without him and he would have to learn to do the same.

So what would he do now?

He was bound to run into her eventually, Nakahaba was a small town after all. What would she think, seeing him? After all these years… He hoped she wouldn't find him strange, or be wary of him. Shishio sighed, slouching in his chair. This was exhausting.

In an attempt to calm his nerves, he worked on his breathing. In, out. In, out. The aim was to sound like the ocean, right? In, out. In, out. In, out. The chirps outside were too distracting... too ironic for his moment of calm. With a murmured curse, Shishio jumped to his feet and slammed the window shut, leaving him alone with his precious silence.

* * *

Upon seeing the bakery, Suzume immediately found herself in love with the place. The help sign posted out front was a stylish thing and Suzume could see that whoever had designed it had spent time adding cute embellishments and picking fonts. In a similar fashion to the sign, the store front was outfitted with little lace like embellishments. Yes, this was somewhere she could see herself happily working.

Suzume's cooking course had covered many things, and though she was no pastry chef, she knew that she knew enough to be able to handle baking the simple things. And also, having come from a smaller town herself, she knew that her status as a a graduate of a cooking academy presented her with a potential advantage.

Although, that depended on how she sold herself. From her dialect to her clothing, it all needed to be _just_ right so that she wouldn't come off as one of those arrogant city slickers. Huh, perhaps Yuyuka _was_ rubbing off on her.

With that thought, she exhaled, picked the visible lint from her cardigan and opened the door to the bakery.

* * *

 **tbc (of course)**

* * *

 **so anyway this chapter TOOK AGES (AND ITS SO SHORT!), IM SORRY BUT THE NEXT ONE WILL TOO PROBABLY. UNI IS GREAT, tiring BUT GREAT.**

 **NOTES:**

 **1) Yukichi isn't straight lol sorry not sorry, the 'finally' is there because he and his partner were on the waiting list for adoption**

 **2) Suzu is Samejima's new partner, why? so no one thinks she's alone, although i originally wanted to write her alone and happy to be, i thought this might let people rest—i really didn't like that latest chapter i mean its been too long and shishio honestly looked way too different just… nah. lfdchvsdlxzh it felt sloppy like the author knew she had jilted Shishio and tried to make up for his ending here but after what she did to his characterisation it just felt like a kick to the gut.**


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